The Style Invitational; Week 248: STICKER SCHLOCK

This Week's Contest is to come up with a message for our new,mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker, somethingthat summarizes the grandeur and dignity of this stupid contest.Above are the bumper stickers from years past. (We cannot forbearmentioning that although thousands of these babies have been mailedout for honorable mentions, we personally have never seen one on anactual automobile. We can only assume you are using them in unusual,creative ways. Send us snapshots. We'll print the best.)First-prize winner of the new slogan contest wins a Hulk Hoganmirror, featuring a huge likeness of the Hulkster that basicallyrenders the mirror useless, as a mirror. This is worth $25.

First runner-up gets the tacky but estimable Style InvitationalLoser Pen. Other runners-up receive the coveted Style InvitationalLoser's T-shirt. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-afterStyle Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on thebasis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to The StyleInvitational, Week 248, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW,Washington, D.C. 20071, fax them to 202-334-4312, or submit them viaInternet to this address: losers@access.digex.net. Internet users:Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Entries mustbe received on or before Monday, Dec. 22. Please include youraddress and phone number. Winners will be announced three weeks fromtoday. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humoror appropriateness. No purchase necessary. What happened to theFaerie of the Fine Print & The Ear No One Reads? Let usrecapitulate. The study was locked, with the key on the inside. Allthat was left behind was a pair of crutches that would fit a womanof remarkably small stature. Next week: Medical text ear credit.Employees of The Washington Post and members of their immediatefamilies are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 245,in which you were asked to complete one of several comparisonsthat we began.Fourth Runner-Up: Marriage is like a game of Monopoly because .. .it ends quicker if you cheat. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)Third Runner-Up: The human body is like the Eisenhoweradministration because . . .its number two really stinks. (Joseph Romm, Washington)Second Runner-Up: The human body is like the Eisenhoweradministration because . . .once you reach the late 50s, it's pretty much all over. (ThomasWallick, Washington)First Runner-Up: Politics is like the birth of septupletsbecause . . .every November the public will pay attention to it for a few daysand then ignore it the rest of the year. (David Genser, Arlington)And the winner of the autographed Zuzu Christmas card:Politics is like the birth of septuplets because . . .there's a sucker born every minute. (Dave Ferry, Leesburg)Honorable Mentions:Truth is like a mouse because . . .Both are hard to handle without squirming. (Sandra Hull,Arlington)Both taste better when sugar-coated.(David Kleinbard, Silver Spring)Both usually come in shades of gray.(Alan Croneberger, Columbia; Jennifer Hart, Arlington; BarryBlyveis, Columbia)Both are routinely exterminated at the White House. (JeanSorensen, Herndon)Politics is like the birth of septuplets because . . .There's going to be a lot of name-calling. (Jennifer Hart,Arlington)The media can turn a bunch of semi-conscious wrinkled feebs intonational celebrities. (Jonathan L. Kang, Washington)Both are very taxing. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)Both vastly exaggerate the importance of Iowa. (Tom Witte,Gaithersburg)Both involve Big Labor. (Joseph Romm, Washington)Life is like a box of chocolates because . . .All that's left at the end is a lot of paper to deal with.(Sandra Hull, Arlington)The nuts get the most coverage.(Carol Manson, Leesburg)Zit happens. (Bob Dalton, Beaumont, Tex.)Heaven is like a poem that does not rhyme because . . .In neither place will you find that young man from Nantucket.(Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)The ethereal nature of the non-rhyming poem perfectly capturesthe intangible quality of its intrinsic reward, and crap like that.(Bob Dalton, Beaumont, Tex.)You know you are supposed to like it, but somehow it just doesn'tseem all that appealing. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)Final resting placeWords can't describe its beautyHope there's sushi, too.(Joseph Romm, Washington)The human body is like the Eisenhower administration because . ..Both continue to operate pretty well while the head ceases tofunction. (Ken Huck, Fairfax)The arteries that were new back then are clogged anddeteriorating. (Mike Platt, Germantown)After a heart attack, everyone is worried about how "Richard"will perform.(Brendan Beary, Great Mills)Marriage is like a game of Monopoly because . . .It's more interesting with more than two players. (GaryPatishnock, Laurel)Deeds speak louder than words.(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)Your wife gets the car. You get the dog.(Mike Mitchell, Annandale)You go in circles and fight over money.(Noah Meyerson, Washington)You only get a roll every so often.(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)Marriage is like Monopoly because of the unending, wearyingtedium thatoh, I thought you said "monotony."(Sue Lin Chong, Washington)Next Week: Our Own Devices